"Wide Awake": Alan Berliner Tries to Sleep in Front of the Camera
Interview by David Horowitz
Humorist Fran Lebowitz wrote that “Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep,” but in filmmaker Alan Berliner’s case, Wide Awake, his most personal film to date, was what "happened." In a late-night interview, well after midnight, Berliner notes that it’s hard to get any sleep when you’re busy making a film about yourself tossing and turning.
Obviously, your film is about your personal struggle with sleeplessness, but I’m curious how you decided to make the film, not so much the subject matter itself but what made you decide it would make a worthwhile subject for portrayal on screen and for sharing with the world?
First, one in three people who are reading this – let alone who watch the film – don’t sleep as well as they want to. Insomnia has always been in the air, but somehow, now, it might be present more than ever before. There are both sociological and cultural reasons for that. For instance, since I started working on the film a couple years ago, I clipped every newspaper and magazine article on insomnia – how-to’s, sleep hygiene, all these sorts of things, and there were lots of these articles, and they’re always in the newspaper. Once every year, or every 18 months, it’s on the cover of Time or Newsweek.
It’s a rather ubiquitous subject, and just to start with, everyone who watches the film certainly knows what it’s like to prepare for bed, get into the bedroom, turn off the light, put their head to the pillow. Some people know what it’s like to “let go”, to set off on their course of sleep quickly and easily, and blithely. Others do it with varying degrees of difficulty. It’s not something that comes easily to me, and it never has. So I have a fair amount of experience with the subject, but I also know from doing reading and research about sleep that I’m certainly not alone, and even my subjective experience of what happens when I can’t do these things, and my understanding of it, are rather common. I’m not unusual. I can’t tell you how many people have told me after seeing the film, “That’s exactly what goes on in my head.” The thoughts might be different, but the process is the same. And so, I’m trying to tap into that common experience, and I think that there is a lot of room there for people to share and grab on to things, and connect with a rhythm and with things that I’m going through.
There’s a section of the film where the doctors ask me all these questions, “Do you have nightmares? Do you snore? Have you ever harmed anyone?” These are questions that they would ask anyone, so I feel that I am, in effect, running the gauntlet for everyone, in terms of the questions doctors will ask. Because if anyone who has a sleep problem went to a doctor, they would get that same series of questions, so everyone in the room gets to answer those questions for themselves, or at least gets to know those questions that they’d be asked, by seeing the film. And then they can make their own assessments. I put enough “doctorly” advice in the film that people could begin to get a picture of the experience, and to learn to keep some things in mind -- what not to do wrong, what to do right, some basic sleep hygiene tips, etc. I like to think that I seeded the film with enough information and advice (for example, when the doctor says, “take the clock out of the room”) that I’m helping out a bit, too – in, through, and amidst all the other idiosyncrasies of the film.
One more level is that I think I’m emblematic of a cultural dynamic, in which we all live in a world that is conspiring to keep us awake. Some of the doctors would even say that we’re living in the midst of the greatest experiment in sleep deprivation in the history of civilization. We know (from novels and journals and such) for instance, that in the Victorian era, people slept an average 9.5 hours a night, and we’re averaging now (according to the latest studies) in the neighborhood of 7.5 hours a night. So we’re all getting a lot less sleep than ever, and that’s not likely to ever go up again.
Beginning with the light bulb’s opening up of space and time during the night, and collapsing that light bulb into a micropixel, and surrounding it with millions of others on a computer screen, we all have reason, and opportunity, and occasion to stay up all night, and partake of wherever we want to go on the Internet. This is not to mention all the movies there are to see, and books to read, all the extra work that everyone wants to do to be productive in this world, etc. So my obsession with media, and the world at large, and what I do in my work and my collections, and all the media that I surround myself with, I’d like to think is emblematic of broader cultural things, and I want that to be part of the experience of the film, as well.
All I’m saying is that it’s about me, of course, but I want the film to transcend me and I want to use my experience to open up all these other ubiquitous and transcendent things about sleep and the world in which we live.
And it certainly opens up a lot of questions that people might not have had in their minds when they came to the film. At one point in the film, you said that you were “suffering from an urban disease, needing to be connected all the time”.
Right, especially in urban centers, we basically are living in the nucleus of the cell, and there’s a vibration that goes on in there. There’s excitement, and there’s distraction, and there’s enticement, and there’s overload, and there’s saturation. There are all these things – information, media, worry. We’re in the middle of that, and if that gets out of hand, it’s certainly not conducive to sleep.
When the Internet first came about, we used to say – somewhat pejoratively – “All it does is suck time away from us,” when describing how much of our time would vanish, we couldn’t account for it, or where we had been. Now, I have a somewhat different relationship to it – it’s an amazing tool, you can read tomorrow’s news in any city in the world, in real time -- but it can still be a black hole sometimes.
Well, all that helps us to understand where you were coming from in making the film. It is somewhat different from your other films -- but at the same time there are parallels: the sense of humor, the experimental nature to some of the structure, your use of sound. But this was your most personal film.
No question about that. I started to see insomnia as a subject totally suited to explore from the inside out. It is one thing to ask someone “What happens when you can’t sleep?” and hearing that as a third-person narrative or some objective story being told. But with this subject, I could actually lie in bed and watch myself be unable to sleep, and mine that psychological laboratory, all night if I wanted to. “OK, that’s what’s going through my head. Why? What is happening with my body?” I could examine any number of self-reflexive things.
As the so-called director of the film, and as the subject of the film, from the subject’s perspective, when you’re making a film about not sleeping, and you’re the subject, it’s not fun --night after night after night – when you’re suffering, and you’re also taking notes, it’s a kind of madness. From the perspective of the director, it’s a fantastic research opportunity, to get inside someone’s head, and really tap into, in a first-person way, how the issue of sleep pervades everything -- how it affects my sense of responsibility to my family, how it affects the pulls of love to my family, how it affects and is woven into my sense of identity as a filmmaker, as a creative person, all those things.
On the poster for the film, the tagline that the publicists came up with was “Portrait of an Artist as Insomniac”. I think that’s one way of looking at the film that’s quite reasonable and illuminating.
The other thing is that I saw insomnia as a really interesting subject for filmmaking. Its sounds and images and thoughts lend themselves to creating metaphors for what the experience of not sleeping is like. I can create metaphors for what it’s like to try to fall asleep. There are lots of visual and audio metaphors in the film for sleeping, for not sleeping, for trying to get to sleep, doors that you can’t get through, “no trespassing” signs, dreams, and all those things. I dream all the time, I often have them when I am working on a film. Those dreams, while they may be helpful in terms of the filmmaking, they are never part of the film, they are always anecdotal. But with this film, I can use these dreams, and that’s a cinematic challenge. Between what goes on in my head when I’m not being able to sleep, and what goes on in my head when I am sleeping, from an image perspective and from a filmmaking perspective, editorially, I thought it was one of the richest subjects I could have tapped into. It was very exciting from that perspective. And you’ll see, there are a lot of images in the film.
What would you say are some early influences on your filmmaking style, or artists who have influenced you in developing your unique style of filmmaking?
I just came back from Amsterdam, where I was a special guest at the International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, and they not only did a retrospective of my films, but they asked me to program my ten favorite films, as a special program. They had wanted me to program my ten favorite documentary films, but I didn’t exactly give them that. I knew they didn’t want me to go in the direction of dramatic and feature films, but I gave them the films that were the most important to me as I was evolving and trying to find my voice as a filmmaker. So, that’s a matter of record now.
That list includes a lot of old Russian and European films from the 1920s and early 1930s, including films by the brilliant Russian filmmaker Dziga Vertov (Man with a Movie Camera; Enthusiasm), Russian filmmaker Esther Shub (The Fall of the Romanov Dynasty), German filmmaker Walter Ruttmann (Berlin, Symphony of a Great City), American filmmaker Stan Brakhage (Window Water Baby Moving). In other words, these were examples of where documentary meets avant-garde, and where people did not know the difference yet, because they were still inventing cinema. I even used the Lumière Brothers’ first films on my list, some collage films by Bruce Conner, a film by Jonas Mekas.
There are other contemporary filmmakers who do similar, first-person, personal work, and I am certainly sympathetic and connected to them, but in terms of actual filmmaking and the actual connection to what I do, and how I go about doing it, I am more connected to the past in a certain way. With each film that I make, I try to reinvent the wheel anyway, and I try to start from scratch and try to find new forms and new modes of storytelling, new sets of metaphors for every film.
My films are connected – as cousins or siblings, if you will. I am always re-using shots and sounds from one film to the next. I like to think that they share DNA, so to speak, so there’s commonality, even stylistically, but I certainly want each film to have its own authentic feel and motor. They’re all hand-made labors of love, any way you slice it. This film was scary to make, for sure.
In what way was it scary?
Because it was so personal in a way, and I wanted there to be deep truths and a high degree of honesty in the film, so that meant showing some rough edges, airing some contradictions in my life, in my relationship to my work, in my family, in sleep. It meant I couldn’t just say I was tired, I needed to be tired. I wanted to show what it was like to be tired all the time, and to admit to the confusions of being tired. So I put some things out there that I hadn’t intended to when I started.
Initially, I had wanted to tell the film from what I refer to as my “morning voice”. When I wake up in the morning, I’m really slow and groggy, whether I slept three, four, or five hours. I have this quality of voice that’s really low and slow. But then I realized I couldn’t just use my “morning voice”, it’s too disembodied. So there I am, waking up in the morning, reading these lines or just saying things, and I said, “OK, let’s film me recording the ‘morning voice’,” which added a whole visual element to it. So the crew would set up the shot in my studio, and then they would wake me up, and I wouldn’t even look in the mirror, I would just walk right out to the seat and we would roll. It was sort of scary.
One thing leads to the next. So now, I can use sync of me talking, I can use the voiceover of me talking, and that’s all fine. But then I realized that I’m tired, and that’s true to life, but there’s this other guy who comes out at night, who’s whipper-snapper sharp, who makes these films. Where is he in all of this? So then I said, "OK, if we’re going to do the Morning Guy, then I have to put the black T-shirt on and bring out the Night Guy." So now, there are these two warring parts of me. These two parts play out different dialogues in the film, and that’s a real schism and tension in my life, as well. And that’s territory I hadn’t really thought I would enter in making this film.
Not only that, but I’m a son in the film, I’m a father in the film, I’m a husband in the film, I’m a brother in the film, I make fun of myself in the film, I’m a patient to doctors in the film, I’m a filmmaker in the film, my subconscious makes an appearance in the film (in the dreams). There are a lot of selves that are being negotiated in the film, and I hadn’t thought about all that when I started. The journalist, or educator, in me wants to put all this information in the film (through the doctors, to help people). There is this information that I put in the film because I felt responsible.
If you get a referral to a sleep specialist through your regular doctor, you don’t go directly to a sleep lab for a full workup (as I did in the film). More than 90% of people in those overnight clinical sleep facilities where they get wired up, those people are apnea patients for the most part. It’s unusual that someone like me would have the opportunity to be in the lab. They did it for me so I could understand my problem better and enrich my experience and understanding. The first thing they would do is debrief you about all your habits and everything going on in your life, and they would try to peel away the physical from the psychological and try to approach you and see if the medications were appropriate. They would work with you for six months to a year, and only if something seemed odd would they put you in the overnight lab. It’s such an artificial set of conditions, anyway – who can sleep with all of those wires? I’m a restless non-sleeper, so I toss and turn a lot, the wires got twisted.
You talked about the craziness of putting yourself out there, and being in front of the camera was a bit scary for such a personal topic, and you also portrayed, in the film, the impact of the insomnia on your family. But what about the impact on your family of the filmmaking process itself? At a couple points, (your wife) Shari was upset, on screen, about the camera being in her face in the middle of the night.
Coming to bed really late at night would wake Shari up, as would tossing and turning, working with the camera alone while I’m up in the middle of the night. Fortunately, she’s very understanding, and very patient with me about all that stuff, and she knew when I first met her that sleep was an issue, and she had a sense, having seen my work, that there was a chance that she might eventually, somehow enter into the work. I don’t think she knew I was going to make a film about sleep or bring the camera into the bedroom, but she gets even with me in the film -- it was an equal-opportunity camera, as it were.
She’s cool with it. I don’t know what the next project is going to be yet, but I think she likes to be part of it. She’s gone to screenings, and been interviewed, and been involved with question-and-answer dialogues and discussions, and I think it’s all great. She likes the way that (our son) Eli is, gently, a little character in the film. In the end, even with my mother and my sister, who are obviously and clearly exasperated with me, there’s a lot of love around. There’s nothing that is not colored with deep affection and love, so it’s all OK, whatever goes on. Everyone loves everyone, and while the exasperations and frustrations and annoyances are real, everyone is understanding and “with the program”, as it were.
What do you think makes your story uniquely Jewish, if any, and what in your Jewish background, maybe, contributes to your struggle with sleep? To me what felt the most “Jewish” was the scene around the kitchen table, with the whole family there, and I think that for perhaps a non-Jewish viewer, they might not understand that there’s a lot of love there. They might see that scene and be concerned about everybody’s level of tension!
I think that’s a good take on it. You know, it’s funny, because when I was first exploring myself as a subject of insomnia, I actually was wondering if there were different types of insomnia? Is there a “Jewish Insomnia”? I decided against that type of slicing of the pie, but it always intrigued me, the possibility of that. Shakespeare (not a Jew) was an insomniac, Kafka (a Jew) was an insomniac, but where would this kind of categorizing end? I think it is an equal-opportunity curse (or blessing), depending on how one utilizes it and copes with it and plays with it.
It’s funny, I was talking to one programmer of a Jewish film festival, and I said, “You know, Wide Awake might be the least Jewish film I’ve ever made, at least on the surface.” And she said, “Well, I actually think that it might be the most Jewish-themed film you’ve ever made.”
I think she was alluding to not only the kitchen table scene, which is reminiscent of my film about my father (Nobody’s Business). It’s not uncommon for Jews to sit around and talk like that. There’s something about that kind of dialogue that’s transgressively Jewish. But I think what she was referring to, by implication, was that there is something Talmudically resonant about getting so deeply and thoroughly inside a subject, and understanding the questions that you want ask yourself, and answering those questions, and then questioning the answers. I think that there is something to that, without having to call it a “Jewish Insomnia”. I’m certainly not saying that lack of sleep is a Jewish problem.
Then there’s also the condition which maybe hearkens back to a Jewish approach to humor, in which I firmly believe. In order to cope with any problem, whether it’s existential or health, you have to be able to play with it, you have to be able to make fun of it. If you can’t play with your problem – push it, pull it, knead it, laugh at it, tear at it, rip it, piece it back together – then you can’t even hope to be close to being healed. Part of where the humor lies in this film is in that 360-degree, all-dimensions, all-axes probing of the subject, and looking for ways of mediating it, and analyzing it, and understanding it. Whenever I make a film, regardless of the topic – names, parents, sleep -- I have an obsession with the subject matter. It’s part of what I do, and it’s part of what all artists do, to be able to obsess on and intensely focus on your subject.
I think there’s some Jewish stuff in there, at a deep cultural level. There was a time when I didn’t think about this film circulating in Jewish film festivals at all, but the Jewishness is all subtextual, it doesn’t wear it on its sleeve. You could call it a temperament, as much as anything.
I’m intrigued by your use of sound. My favorite scene in Wide Awake was when you’re drinking coffee for the first time in 31 years and you set the soundtrack to the kinetic music from Run Lola Run. You use sound creatively in a lot of ways – for example, the ticking of the clocks to create the pressure and mood of sleeplessness. How do you select your music and make your choices regarding sound and sound editing?
The decisionmaking is all deeply intuitive. Obviously, sound is profoundly important. It’s not the second sister of the image, it’s a primary concern. Sound and image are in equal importance to one another. In doing my research for Wide Awake, I was looking through some old films, looking for images of people sleeping and not sleeping, and I found this Ernst Lubitsch film, and there was this one scene, not even thirty seconds, where this woman was pacing in her bedroom, and the sound in the scene grabbed me and became the “sound” of insomnia for my film. It was loopable, and I just instinctively said, that’s my “insomnia theme”. In the film, I reference the source of that sound. That was an early decision, and that helped give the film a tone. I used it in combination with all sorts of different images and sequences. I had never done that before, where I used a small fragment of scratchy instrumental music from the optical track of an old film – but it created a perfect tone, and that colored a lot of images that I made throughout the film.
Earlier, you mentioned the “urban disease” quote. In New York, there’s WINS news radio, “All News. All the Time”. That line where I talk about the “urban disease” and needing to be plugged in, to feel connected “all the time”. Underneath that scene the radio is playing, and I say “all the time” at the same time that the person on the radio does. So the film is filled with little things like that. For better or for worse, everything in the film is carefully thought through. I’m trying to be a filmmaker, in every second of the film. “All the time.” That means being dynamic in my use of sound and image, and image to image, and sound to sound, and sound to image.
And last, we're asking all our filmmakers this year, since we're in the Nation's Capital: if you had the opportunity to have one DC celebrity - political or otherwise - in the audience for your screening, who would it be and why?
One of the doctors was talking in the film about lack of sleep, and mistakes that people make. And I responded that the expression “human error” might just really mean “sleeplessness”. Someone was too tired and pushed the wrong button, did the wrong thing, said the wrong thing. One of the doctors responded that President Clinton, in an interview in US News and World Report said that every major mistake he had made in his life (or his Presidency, I forget which), he made when he was too tired. Other articles from the literature and news reports mention plenty of similar examples tied to sleep deprivation: the Staten Island Ferry crash, the Exxon Valdez oil spill, the Chernobyl accident, a lot of big catastrophes all happened in the middle of the night when people who should have been very alert were involved in catastrophes related to lack of sleep.
The problem with choosing Clinton is he doesn’t live in DC any more…or, rather, he doesn’t live in DC, yet, again!
Wide Awake screens at 9:45pm on Saturday, December 9, 2006 at the DCJCC's Aaron & Cecile Goldman Theater and at 4:15pm on Sunday, December 10, 2006 at The Avalon.
Read Desson Thomson's interview with Alan Berliner in Saturday's Washington Post.
Visit the filmmaker's Web site at http://www.alanberliner.com/
For more information about sleep disorders, visit the National Sleep Foundation and the National Library of Medicine.
Interview by David Horowitz














